Steven Gwar
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Steven and his friends go to a new restaurant in town...things are gonna get ugly...and musical!
1. Chapter 1

**Steven GWAR**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"So you got coupons for the new eating place?" Asked Amethyst? Greg nodded. "Yeah when I said I was a father a guy in an onion costume gave me several dozen of the things! Which is why I'm buying for everyone! He exclaims as he gestures to everyone. Which included the Gems, Steven, and the rest of the kids in beach city. "Ah! Here we are!" Shouts Greg as he looks up at the building.

 **GRANDMA STUFFUMS EATERY!**

 **We stuff them until they cry!**

Greg chuckled. "Ha! I hope they fired whoever came up with that stinker!" Playfully teased Greg as he lead everyone inside...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Steven GWAR ch.2**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **(Music starts)**

Everyone walks into the room and their ears are immediately assaulted by an ominous, heavy music. Greg chuckles nervously. "Well, I can't say I care for their ambiance." he admits.

With only nervous nodding as a response. The kids began to gather food onto their trays...all the while the music grows louder...

"Uh...I'm not feeling so hungry anymore." Kiki confesses. Connie nods. "Yeah maybe we should just get a table and-

 **SPLAT!**

Suddenly where only moments ago stood food, was now an army of freakish mutants! That began to attack the lot of them! Suddenly a large elderly woman jumps out of nowhere to sing-

 **I've got pork fat and gravy going through my veins.  
I serve dead monkey pudding and platypus brains.  
I'm Grandmother Stuffum! **

**Grandmother Stuffum!**

Screams the Backup food.

 **I came to this school to feed you kids  
And bake up pies with jellied squids. **

She shouts as she throws the pies at their faces which immediately stuff themselves down their throats. Greg and Amethyst are thankfully able to swallow them faster than the rest which allows them to counterattack.

 **Kids... must eat!**

Shouts Grandma as she summons more food

 **Kids... must eat!**

 **Kids... must eat!**

 **Kids... must eat!**

The Gems frantically protect the kids from the food onslaught, their semi-nonexistent bellies groaning in protest. "Gah! I hate this!" Cries Pearl as the grosser then normal food forcibly works her way through her 'system'.

 **Kids were not put on this earth to nibble.**

 **No-o!**

Agreed her food

 **You all must be helpless and fat.**

 **Yeah-ah!**

 **That way, you can't get yourself in trouble...**

 **No-o!**

 **While Grandma gets to feed you curried rat!**

She then tosses the rats who immediately choke and gag the lot of them, as they shove themselves down their throats in fatalistic glee.

 **I will... stop you...  
with moose... fondue!**

Garnet frantically fights off a giant chocolate moose from shoving itself down her throat-

 **You will... chow on...  
tuna... meltdown!**

Amethyst and Greg eagerly scarf down the monsters...before they too are overwhelmed and surrounded with the rest.

 **Eat it!**

Their flattened by elephant tusk pie surprise.

 **Scarf it!**

Their mashed by whipped broccoli.

 **Bite it!**

Mangled by skunk gut bratwurst

 **Cram it!**

Creamed by jellied squid

 **Down it!**

Pounded by frozen cow testicles

 **Chow it!**

Maimed by potato fungus

 **Want it!**

Bashed by fried cockroach liver

 **Pig out!**

 **I will make you... fatter!**

The Gems then burst from the muck to launch an immediate counterattack!

 **I came to this school with my food  
To conquer the young and the rude.  
I'm Grandmother Stuffum. **

**Grandmother Stuffum!**

Shouted her food

 **You must eat now. Try my deep-fried boar.  
But you just never listen, cursed Kids Next Door.**

The Gems quickly dodged and weaved through the stampede of monster boars, while struggling to keep the kids from being trampled.

 **Kids... must eat!  
Kids... must eat!  
Kids... must eat!  
Kids... must eat! **

Greg and Amethyst continued to chow down the hoards frantically...Connie and Steven rides a boar to skewer everything else...liver and onions play air-drumbstick only to get zapped...the kids are just focusing on not getting crushed...or keeping their stomachs from not exploding...

 **Kids were not put on this earth to nibble.**

 **No-o!**

Shouted her food

 **You all must be helpless and fat.**

 **Yeah-ah!**

 **That way you can't get yourself in trouble.**

 **No-o!**

 **While Grandma gets to feed you toasted bat!**

She tries to send out the bats but the Gems already have her cornered-

 **You can't...**

SMACK!

 **Beat me!**

WHACK!

 **You can't...**

BOOM!

 **Toast me!**

ZAP!

 **You won't...**

BANG!

 **Grill me!**

CRACK!

 **You won't...**

KABOOM!

 **Poach me!**

CRASH!

 **Cook me!**

ZAP!

 **Stew me!**

BOOM!

 **Boil me!**

ZAP!

 **Fry me!**

BOOM!

 **Baste me!**

ZAP!

 **Broil me!**

BOOM!

 **Roast me!**

ZAP!

 **Bake me!**

BOOM!

 **You'll just make me...**

She's interrupted by an uppercut to the jaw that sends her flying into the kitchen.

 **(song ends)**

"Well that was...Random" States Garnet flatly. Greg pants as he tries to catch his breath, while trying to get himself unstuck from the food drippings encasing him on the ceiling. "That tears it! That's the last time I try to support a new local business!"

Then the ground begins to shake...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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